40 Funny One Liners To Brighten Your Week

Funny One Liners

Looking for the most funny one liners? Thanks to social networks and instant messaging applications, thousands of funny messages travel the world via the Internet. These hilarious short quotes and phrases to brighten this week can make you forget all the problems for a good time reading.

There are many benefits that humor brings to our physical and mental health have been proven. Laughing relaxes muscles, reduces stress and anxiety, stimulates the mind and neutralizes negative emotions. That is reason why we present you 40 short funny quotes and phrases to start the new week in a good mood. Check it out!

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  1. Borrow money from a pessimist. They do not expect to be returned.-Anonymous.
  2. The only time a woman can succeed in changing a man is when she is a baby.-Natalie Wood. (Funny One Liners Clean)
  3. A celebrity is a person who works all her life to be known, so she puts on dark glasses to avoid being recognized.-Fred Allen.
  4. The only thing I regret in this life is not being someone else.-Woody Allen.
  5. If you want them to think you are a liar, always tell the truth.-Logan Pearsall Smith.
  6. A pessimist is a person who has listened to too many optimists.-Don Marquis.
  7. Don’t think that you are an ugly person, think that you are a beautiful monkey.
  8. Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it does make misery more bearable.
  9. God created the world, everything else is done in China.
  10. People have the right to be foolish. Some people abuse that privilege.
  11. If I am nobody, and nobody is perfect, then I am perfect.
  12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before getting tired.  (Funny 1 Liners)
  13. Silence is gold. Unless you have children, there it becomes suspicious.
  14. It might seem like I’m not doing anything, but in my head, I’m very busy.
  15. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people seem brilliant until they speak.-Steven Wright.
  16. You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
  17. If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ level.
  18. When a woman says “what?”, It is not that she did not listen to you. It is giving you an opportunity to change what you said.
  19. If people are talking bad about you behind your back, then fart.
  20. When one door closes, another door should open, but if it doesn’t, then it goes through the window.
  21. Jellyfish have survived 500 million years as a species, surviving without a brain. This gives quite a few people hope.
  22. The problem with life is that when you know how to read women like a book, your library membership has already expired. (Funny One Liners)
  23. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman could have. The older she is, the more interested he is in her.
  24. My woman and I were happy during 20 years. Then we met 
  25. Surely there are many reasons for divorces, but the main one is and will be the wedding.
  26. Of course you should get married. If you get a good wife, you will become someone happy. If you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.
  27. Having a clear conscience is a sign of bad memory. 
  28. I like long walks, especially when annoying people take them 
  29. Everything is fun, as long as it happens to someone else 
  30. Always remember that you are unique. Absolutely the same as everyone else. 
  31. Of course I understand. Even a five year old could understand it. Bring me a five years old child! 
  32. I am sure that the universe is full of intelligent life. He’s just been too smart to come here. (Best One Liners)
  33. Outside the dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside the dog it’s probably too dark to read. 
  34. Working is not bad, the bad thing is having to work. 
  35. Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese 
  36. If only God gave me a clear sign! How to make a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. 
  37. When life gives you lemons, throw someone in your eyes (Witty One Liners)
  38. I hate household chores! You make the beds, clean the dishes and six months later you have to start again.
  39. I usually cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to food. 
  40. There are only two infinite things: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not so sure about the first one.

Closing words 

Thanks for reading my favorite funny puns. I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself.

You can also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a friend who can use them as encouragement. Thank you!

And, don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well!

Source: 121 Funny Phrases of Humor (Short)/
lifeder

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