45+ Hilarious One Liner Jokes On Money & Women

money quotes

Looking for the most hilarious and funny quotes on money & love? Money – It is said that money can makes the world swing around. I’m not sure that money really matters, but having money will make life easier. Everyone of us need money, and most of us feel we don’t have enough of that.

Love and money are often talked about, but in opposite ways. Since long before the Beatles first sang, “Can’t buy me love”, it was said that money cannot buy love or happiness.

Here, we has collected more than 45 quotes on money that will inspire you to really appreciate your hard-earned money. Check it out!

RELATED: 25 Vince Lombardi Quotes On Winning & Coaching

  1. Do you want to be rich? Well, do not worry about increasing your assets, but decreasing your greed .__ Epicurus of Samos
  2. Do not consider money more or less than it is worth, because he is a good servant and a bad master .__ Alejandro Dumas (Money Saving Quotes)
  3. What distinguishes man from other animals are financial concerns .__ Jules Renard
  4. My dream is that of Picasso; have a lot of money to live calmly like the poor .__ Fernando Savater
  5. Money is like manure: it is not good unless it spreads .__ Sir Francis Bacon
  6. Money does not give happiness, certainly; but it is not a serious obstacle either .__ Josep Pla
  7. Poverty does not come from the diminution of wealth, but from the multiplication of desires .__ Plato
  8. There are so many things in life more important than money! But they cost so much! .__ Groucho Marx
  9. Money does not give happiness, but it gives you such a similar feeling that you need a very advanced specialist to verify the difference .__ Woody Allen
  10. It’s nice to have money and things that money can buy, but it’s also nice to have things that money can’t buy .__ George Horace Lorimer
  11. He who does not consider what he has as the greatest wealth is unfortunate, even if he owns the world .__ Epicurus of Samos
  12.  Wealth is like salt water; The more you drink, the more thirsty you get .__ Arthur Schopenhauer (Make Money Quotes)
  13. A banker is a man who lends us an umbrella when it is sunny and demands it of us when it starts to rain .__ Mark Twain
  14. If you want to know the value of money, try to borrow it .__ Benjamin Franklin
  15. The fact that money does not give happiness are voices that the rich spread so that the poor do not envy them too much .__ Jacinto Benavente
  16. When poverty enters the door, love jumps out the window .__ Johh Hessin Clarke
  17. If you ever see a Swiss banker jump out the window, jump behind. Surely there is something to be gained .__ Voltaire
  18.     When poverty enters the door, love escapes through the window .__ Thomas Fuller
  19. Lend money to your enemy and you will earn it; lend it to your friend and you will lose it .__ Benjamin Franklin
  20. Why can’t the bank keep a secret? It has too many tellers!
  21. Money is the perfect center of all concern and woman is the beauty of the center.
  22. Money and oxygen are necessary for life. You can survive from one without the other, that’s the difference. (Money Motivation Quotes)
  23. Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
  24. Time is money, I have no money but time.
  25. Money has no smell, but smells of profiteers.
  26. Money is like time: if you put it in one place, you can’t put it in another …
  27. When money poisons death, death comes only from anger. We fight on the coffins.
  28. Money is good, but man is better because he responds when called.
  29. All the money we spend in space, it is really thrown out the windows … 
  30. With all the money in the world, we don’t make men: we degrade them. Abbé Pierre
  31. With a little money a man is something, a man without money is a little less than nothing. Axel Oxenstierna
  32. Luxury is about money. Elegance is a matter of education.(Quotes On Money And Relationship)
  33. Talent is like money: you don’t need to have it to talk about it. Jules Renard
  34. Money is a good servant but a bad master. P. T. Barnum
  35. The main value of money is that we live in a world where it is overestimated.
  36. The money that alcohol brings to the state is enormous; me this year, just by drinking, I paid the wealth tax! 
  37. We only think about money. Whoever has it thinks of his own, whoever does not think of that of others. Sacha Guitry
  38. Money is a permanent stress, we are afraid of running out of it and when we have enough, we fear losing everything.
  39. Money opens the doors of pleasure and closes those of virtue. 
  40. Money! which nullifies spirit and courage, changes genius and love into calculations. Delphine de Girardin
  41. If we only think about money, we lose the essentials, this taste for simple things. Yoshichi Shimada
  42. Whoever is without money lacks everything. He who is without reading misses lack. Christian Bobin (Quotes On Money And Happiness)
  43. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  44. I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.
  45. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  46. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
  47. What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing.
  48. If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $6.50 a minute. 
  49. Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
  50. What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
  51. What do a grenade and a woman have in common? You remove the ring and your whole house is gone.
  52. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money. (Best Money Quotes)
  53. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  54. Women are like swimming pools – they cost a great deal of money to maintain, considering the time you spend inside.
  55. The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.


Thanks for reading my favorite one liners. I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself.

You can also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a friend who can use them as encouragement. Thank you!

And, don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well!

Source: Phrases about money /proverbia

Similar Posts:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *