Retirement Quotes And Sayings [25 One Liners Funny W. Pictures]

Retirement quotes

Looking for the most funny retirement quotes? Here, we collected the best collection of 25 retirement quotes that will inspire you to keep dreaming of what’s lies ahead. Eventually, you can retire happily from your full-time job and goodbye to your hard work. Check it out!

RELATED: Top 38 Stop Making Excuses Quotes

  1. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
  2. A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.__ On Retirement Quotes
  3. Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
  4. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.
  5. Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
  6. The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
  7. Just remember, it’s better to pay full price than to admit you’re a senior citizen.
  8. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.__ Retirement Quotes For Teachers
  9. When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Now we compare statins.
  10. What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn’t? Her navel.
  11. How can you tell that you’re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
  12. Girl: My GrandFather Lived For 96 Years & He Never Used Glasses. Boy: Yeah I Know, Few People Drink Directly From Bottle.
  13. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully? Miracle whip.Why are there so many old people in Church? They’re cramming for the final.
  14. The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.__ Retirement Quotes For Coworkers
  15. Another World’s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
  16. How do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  17. Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
  18. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
  19. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.__ Retirement Quotes For Boss 
  20. I don’t date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.
  21. You know you’re getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
  22. Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.
  23. Why did the prostitute retire? She screwed up!__ Retirement Quotes For Friend
  24. Why did the little old lady make her husband shovel the driveway? She thought she heard him begging for a snow job.
  25. Hot single grannies in your area want you to look at how tall you’ve gotten.

Closing words

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Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.

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