40 Short And Funny Quotes On Life, Love & Happiness

Looking for the most funny sayings and quotes? Life sometimes would be so boring and laughing is the best way to get your day started. For me having a little humor helps me increase the positivity. Getting a laugh can really balance your mood. It can add just enough fun of your day to overcome any slumps.

Here, we have a bunch of funny and humorous quotes, messages and phrases, perfect to send by WhatsApp or in the way that best suits you. Check it out!

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  1. If you want your wife to listen to you, speak to another woman; It will be all ears.-Sigmund Freud.
  2. Don’t worry about avoiding temptations. As you get older they will avoid you. (Short Funny Quotes And Sayings)
  3. Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to separate us.
  4. I made a huge list of things to do for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do them.
  5. If I were to win the laziness award, I’d send someone to pick it up for me.
  6. When people say to me “you will regret it in the morning”, I fall asleep until I wake up in the afternoon, because I am a problem solver.
  7. A policeman stopped me and said “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and he left. (Short Clever Sayings)
  8. My smartphone ignores me, I keep clicking the Home button and when I look around me, I continue with my work.
  9. What do I do to earn a living? Inhale and exhale.
  10. Some people are like clouds. When they leave, it’s a brighter day.
  11. Doing nothing is difficult, you never know when you’re done.
  12. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so that people don’t think I’m dead. (Short Funny Family Quotes And Sayings)
  13. Sunglasses: They allow you to look at people without being caught. It is like Facebook in real life.
  14. I am not lazy, I am in a way to save energy.
  15. Time is precious, waste it wisely.
  16. Teacher: “Can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?” Student: “Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king!”
  17. My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan. (Short Funny Phrases)
  18. “Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.”― Golda Meir
  19. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”― George Carlin
  20. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”― Bill Cosby
  21. How do we know that soccer referees are happy? Because they whistle while they work.
  22. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. (Short Funny Sayings)
  23. If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.
  24. Don’t be irreplaceable – if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
  25. Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
  26. Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
  27. Love is like Heaven… It makes me wish I was dead. (Short Funny Quotes About Life)
  28. Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
  29. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
  30. Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
  31. I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”
  32. I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. (Short Funny Quotes And Sayings)
  33. Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
  34. What’s the definition of a surprise? A fart with a lump in it. 
  35. Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else’s saved game.
  36. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!
  37. Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?”. Student: “My father’s check book!” (Funny Short Captions)
  38. I’m trying to date a philosophy professor, but she doesn’t even know if I exist or not.
  39. Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. 
  40. Live every day like it was the last day, and one day you won’t miss.

Closing words 

As you read these 40 short and funny quotes, realize that they can be a sources of guidance during the times you need and can motivate you when you have a problem.

Neither success nor failure is finite. That’s the motivation you choose to make the biggest difference.

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Source: 121 Funny Phrases of Humor (Short)/

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