Looking for the most funny sayings and quotes? Life sometimes would be so boring and laughing is the best way to get your day started. For me having a little humor helps me increase the positivity. Getting a laugh can really balance your mood. It can add just enough fun of your day to overcome any slumps.
Here, we have a bunch of funny and humorous quotes, messages and phrases, perfect to send by WhatsApp or in the way that best suits you. Check it out!
- If you want your wife to listen to you, speak to another woman; It will be all ears.-Sigmund Freud.
- Don’t worry about avoiding temptations. As you get older they will avoid you. (Short Funny Quotes And Sayings)
- Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to separate us.
- I made a huge list of things to do for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do them.
- If I were to win the laziness award, I’d send someone to pick it up for me.
- When people say to me “you will regret it in the morning”, I fall asleep until I wake up in the afternoon, because I am a problem solver.
- A policeman stopped me and said “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and he left. (Short Clever Sayings)
- My smartphone ignores me, I keep clicking the Home button and when I look around me, I continue with my work.
- What do I do to earn a living? Inhale and exhale.
- Some people are like clouds. When they leave, it’s a brighter day.
- Doing nothing is difficult, you never know when you’re done.
- My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so that people don’t think I’m dead. (Short Funny Family Quotes And Sayings)
- Sunglasses: They allow you to look at people without being caught. It is like Facebook in real life.
- I am not lazy, I am in a way to save energy.
- Time is precious, waste it wisely.
- Teacher: “Can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?” Student: “Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king!”
- My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan. (Short Funny Phrases)
- “Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.”― Golda Meir
- “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”― George Carlin
- “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”― Bill Cosby
- How do we know that soccer referees are happy? Because they whistle while they work.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. (Short Funny Sayings)
- If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.
- Don’t be irreplaceable – if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
- Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
- Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
- Love is like Heaven… It makes me wish I was dead. (Short Funny Quotes About Life)
- Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
- Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
- Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
- I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”
- I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. (Short Funny Quotes And Sayings)
- Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
- What’s the definition of a surprise? A fart with a lump in it.
- Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else’s saved game.
- 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!
- Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?”. Student: “My father’s check book!” (Funny Short Captions)
- I’m trying to date a philosophy professor, but she doesn’t even know if I exist or not.
- Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
- Live every day like it was the last day, and one day you won’t miss.
As you read these 40 short and funny quotes, realize that they can be a sources of guidance during the times you need and can motivate you when you have a problem.
Neither success nor failure is finite. That’s the motivation you choose to make the biggest difference.
Source: 121 Funny Phrases of Humor (Short)/
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